Now You See It, Now You Don't

I was right. I AM complex. Now he can't figure me out and he's given up - or is at the brink of it. What happened to the "bring it on" rah-rah-ism? But thank you to all my friends who wished me well. Thank you Chris (you read my blog??? why???) and thank you JC who has heard me out through my "funny" episodes. "Funny" - because having been an observer from the sidelines all along, one notices all the classic mishaps, miscommunication and misunderstandings that couples go through. And you think you've seen them all, and you think you'd know what to do if you were ever in that situation. And you dole out advice like you were Oprah, the strongest woman on earth who don't need a love life to make it in this world.

Or so you think.

There's something my mom told me about feng shui - don't start, because once you get into it, you can't ignore it. And if you did try to ignore it, you'll live the rest of your life worrying about it. Same thing with this crazy little thing called "love". It's easy to tell someone to "walk away". But when you're in the eye of the whirlpool, your mind is mangled and logic is yanked from it. **And you can't be holding on to all you've got, when all you've got is hurt...

To all my friends I met during the weekend who asked me where he was and how he was doing, I'm sorry that I don't know. I'm sorry to have to tell you that we had a quarrel on Thursday night and we haven't communicated since. I tried, but it was non-reciprocated. Please don't ask me what we quarreled about; just know that people quarrel about things and words get spoken and egos get wounded and regret is always the aftertaste.

The weekend is come and gone. And all I've got to show is silence. My hands are sore from my sitting on them, all in the name of "space". I have no idea when this Cold War is going to end. The one between US and the Soviet Union lasted fifty years!!! All I do know is what I feel. But my guess is that he's given up. And I'm back to status quo, status solo.

If things don't turn out well, I'm gonna heed the fortune-teller's advice and go down south and find me a gweilo, get hitched, run a spa and get a daughter and become a queen. If God decides to be nice to me, then I'll probably delete this entry as it would hurt too much to read it again in future.

So really, in essence, "let's see how long this will last".

** Thank you Bono and U2 for those words